ALL THESE THINGS THAT I'VE DONE

Last week, while drive home from work, I has a transcending experience.

Right there, in gridlock on I-95

An epiphany of sorts.

And it came to me from

The Killers.

No, I'm not using any deep euphomism

The rock group

The Killers

And the transcending experience:

"ALL THESE THINGS THAT I'VE DONE"

When there's nowhere else to run

Is there room for one more son

One more son

If you can hold on

If you can hold on, hold on

I wanna stand up,

I wanna let go

You know, you know - no you don't, you don't

I wanna shine on in the hearts of men

I wanna mean it from the back of my broken hand

And these words I wanted to SCREAM to the world.

SCREAM to everyone who's ever hurt me in life

SCREAM to everyone who's ever helped me in life

SCREAM to everyone who's ever loved me

SCREAM to everyone who's ever hated me

SCREAM to everyone who's ever fucked me

"I WANNA STAND UP!"

Another head aches, another heart breaks

I am so much older than I can take

And my affection, well it comes and goes

I need direction to perfection, no no no no

Perfection

Perfection

Perfection

The perfect score?

The perfect mom?

The perfect fuck?

The perfect body?

The perfect mind?

The perfect drug?

The perfect husband?

The perfect life?

Help me out

Yeah, you know you got to help me out

Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner

You know you got to help me out

Every Day

Every Minute

Every Second

I'm SCREAMING

PLEADING

BEGGING:

HELP ME OUT

But too silent for the world to hear

And too stubborn to raise my voice

And too independent to NEED YOUR HELP!

And when there's nowhere else to run

Is there room for one more son

These changes ain't changing me

The gold-hearted boy I used to be

My changes

My transformations

My improvements

My digressions

Do they define me

From Virgin Mary to dirty slut

From housewife to lawyer

From clean and sober to high and happy

From me to ME to me to ME

Yeah, you know you got to help me out

Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner

You know you got to help me out

You're gonna bring yourself down

Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down

Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down

HELP ME OUT

BUT GO AWAY

I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP

AFTERALL

Over and in, last call for sin

While everyone's lost, the battle is won

With all these things that I've done

All these things that I've done

If you can hold on

If you can hold on

All these things that I've done...

Raised a child with special needs...patiently and lovingly

All these things that I've done...

The three-somes, four-somes, eating out a model last week while a room-full of horny men leared

All these things that I've done...

Sucessfully completing law school as a single mom

And I can hold on..

So I'm holding on!