Toxicity

He's hot. He's new. He's married. He's mysterious. He's intrigued.

"Let's meet for drinks." He says.

"You need to stay away from me. I am dangerous."

And it is true.

I am not dangerous because I lie, or because I use, or because I have sinister motives.

To the contrary.

I am brutally honest and forthright and am as straight-forward as they come.

But I am enigmatic

And I am pretty

And I am fickle

And I am lost

And I say I love you one day

And I mean it with every fiber of my being

And the next day I am gone

And I hate myself for hurting you

But I can not control my higher calling

And this is why men love me

And this is why I am dangerous.

Catching Up......

Since My Last Entry I:

Dated a married man
Had married man leave his wife for me
A week after married man left, I suddenly found him repulsive and broke-up with him
Started going to swinger's parties regularly
Met a single man
Fucked him
Thought I was in love with him
Let him move in my house
A week after he moved in, knew he needed to go
Found child pornography on his computer
Has him arrested and kicked out of my house
Got a job practicing law
Am excelling in my new job
Started getting my finances in order
Drifted apart from my best friend of 15 years
Met a girl with whom I instantly connected to
Became very close to this friend
Deflowered this girl (I was the first girl she was with, sexually)
Drifted apart from "photographer"
Am actually very upset about drifting from "photographer" and, at time, find it hard to breathe without him near.
Reconnected with "Sociopath"

I seem to do what most people do in a lifetime in a weekend.

Is this good?
Is this bad?
Is it rational?
Is it right?
Is it functional?

Through my writing and my introspection I hope to come closer to an answer.