I have been talking to my ex-boyfriend lately.
He is narcissistic and quite possibly a sociopath and had anger management issues. But he also mentally stimulates me to an erotically uncontrollable level. Also, the sexual chemistry is dangerously elevated between him and I, and we have very similar political, social and religious views. We are both athiests.
SOCIOPATH: A friend of mine just got married 1 year ago, and called me complaining. His wife stopped giving him blow-jobs. She was all kinky before they married, now she won't even give blow-jobs....this is why I am reluctant to marry.
ME: It's not only the fault of women. Men like to date sluts but marry virgin Mary's.
SOCIOPATH: Christianity is to blame for that.
ME:
SOCIOPATH: Well, I like kinky sex. So I remain unmarried
ME: I'm opposite, the more comfortable I get with a man the kinkier I get.
SOCIOPATH: MMMMMMM, I know!
ME: HAHA, yes in our years together I got VERY comfortable with you!
SOCIOPATH: I LOVE sluts. I want my wife to be slutty. The sluttier the better.
ME: That's why I love you. You HATE JESUS and LOVE SLUTS
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
Entitled
I often worry my children have fallen into the "Age of Entitlement."
The young generation, I believe, think they DESERVE everything just for BEING.
They are told, by their parents and society as a whole, they DESERVE:
Respect
Constant Comfort
Instant Gratification
Unconditional Love
And the list goes on....
All just for "being themselves."
And I make it a constant effort NOT to reinforce this belief in my OWN KIDS.
However, a recent interaction between me and my daughter has me questioning whether I am doing an adequate job.
I took my kids to visit my mom in a city about four hours from home this weekend. When they asked to bring their hamsters I obliged. About an hour into the trip I turned on the air conditioner, as we are having an unseasonally warm winter and the sun beating down on me was making me warm.
DAUGHTER: Mommy, aren't hamsters from Africa
ME: I don't know, I think so
DAUGHTER: They live in the desert, I read it online
ME: OK
DAUGHTER: So...they prefer it hot
ME: UMMMMMM, OK
DAUGHTER: And you have on the air conditioner.
ME: Yes, I'm driving. And its hot
DAUGHTER: But my hamsters like hot climate
ME: Look, daughter, I am hot. your hamster has fur. She will survive
Then minutes pass, fairly quietly.
SON: Mommy, my hamster LOOKS cold
DAUGHTER: I think Ethan's hamster is dieing
SON: He looks SOOOOO cold
For the record....the hamsters were NOT dieing or threatening to die.
Did I turn off the Air Conditioner and drive in the heat in order to keep the hamsters comfortable? I am not telling.
But, all I can say from this interaction is not only do my children feel a sense of entitlement, but they feel their pets have the same sense of entitlement.
And yes, I turned off the damn air conditioner!
The young generation, I believe, think they DESERVE everything just for BEING.
They are told, by their parents and society as a whole, they DESERVE:
Respect
Constant Comfort
Instant Gratification
Unconditional Love
And the list goes on....
All just for "being themselves."
And I make it a constant effort NOT to reinforce this belief in my OWN KIDS.
However, a recent interaction between me and my daughter has me questioning whether I am doing an adequate job.
I took my kids to visit my mom in a city about four hours from home this weekend. When they asked to bring their hamsters I obliged. About an hour into the trip I turned on the air conditioner, as we are having an unseasonally warm winter and the sun beating down on me was making me warm.
DAUGHTER: Mommy, aren't hamsters from Africa
ME: I don't know, I think so
DAUGHTER: They live in the desert, I read it online
ME: OK
DAUGHTER: So...they prefer it hot
ME: UMMMMMM, OK
DAUGHTER: And you have on the air conditioner.
ME: Yes, I'm driving. And its hot
DAUGHTER: But my hamsters like hot climate
ME: Look, daughter, I am hot. your hamster has fur. She will survive
Then minutes pass, fairly quietly.
SON: Mommy, my hamster LOOKS cold
DAUGHTER: I think Ethan's hamster is dieing
SON: He looks SOOOOO cold
For the record....the hamsters were NOT dieing or threatening to die.
Did I turn off the Air Conditioner and drive in the heat in order to keep the hamsters comfortable? I am not telling.
But, all I can say from this interaction is not only do my children feel a sense of entitlement, but they feel their pets have the same sense of entitlement.
And yes, I turned off the damn air conditioner!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
A Tale Of Three Joes
There are three Joes in my life right now.
And I am not being figurative.
There are three men.
Same Name.
In my life right now.
Each contributing in very different manners.
And, as note, names been changed to protect innocent.
But, I kid you not, these three men have same name.
Joe #1:
High executive of Fortune 500.
Local Politician.
Thinks he is utterly in love with me.
Thinks I am akin to a mix of Virgin Mary, Aristotle and Shakespeare.
Adores me.
And that is all I let him see.
But he makes me WANT MORE from life.
Because of him I went to law school.
Because of him I got my current job.
Because of him I am purer, smarter, more creative than I could ever be.
Joe #2:
Works at auto repair shop.
Tall, hot, and lusted after.
He likes to dominate me.
He adores my submission, my uninhibited sexual nature.
And that I will (and have) done sexual exploits so tabboo that they may be illegal in some states.
I am his obedient ass whore.
And that is all I let him see.
And he makes me want to BEG.
And he makes me want to SUBMIT.
And he makes me proud of the bruises on my ass the morning after.
Because of him I am more uninhibited, sexual, and submissive than I could ever be.
Joe#3:
Works in media industry.
Deep, profound and charismatic.
He makes me THINK.
He loves our INTELLECTUAL DISCOURSE.
And that we can be honest and open with each other.
And connect on a deeper level.
And I let him see ALL OF ME.
And he makes me be HONEST with MYSELF.
And his mind makes me want him.
And his personality makes me daydream about him for inordinate amounts of time during day.
Because of him, I am accepting me for me.
Me and my Joes.
None of them perfect.
None of the relationships ideal.
Or perfect.
Or storybook.
Or romantic.
But, they all bring me closer to self-realization.
And isn't that the point of human interaction, afterall?
And I am not being figurative.
There are three men.
Same Name.
In my life right now.
Each contributing in very different manners.
And, as note, names been changed to protect innocent.
But, I kid you not, these three men have same name.
Joe #1:
High executive of Fortune 500.
Local Politician.
Thinks he is utterly in love with me.
Thinks I am akin to a mix of Virgin Mary, Aristotle and Shakespeare.
Adores me.
And that is all I let him see.
But he makes me WANT MORE from life.
Because of him I went to law school.
Because of him I got my current job.
Because of him I am purer, smarter, more creative than I could ever be.
Joe #2:
Works at auto repair shop.
Tall, hot, and lusted after.
He likes to dominate me.
He adores my submission, my uninhibited sexual nature.
And that I will (and have) done sexual exploits so tabboo that they may be illegal in some states.
I am his obedient ass whore.
And that is all I let him see.
And he makes me want to BEG.
And he makes me want to SUBMIT.
And he makes me proud of the bruises on my ass the morning after.
Because of him I am more uninhibited, sexual, and submissive than I could ever be.
Joe#3:
Works in media industry.
Deep, profound and charismatic.
He makes me THINK.
He loves our INTELLECTUAL DISCOURSE.
And that we can be honest and open with each other.
And connect on a deeper level.
And I let him see ALL OF ME.
And he makes me be HONEST with MYSELF.
And his mind makes me want him.
And his personality makes me daydream about him for inordinate amounts of time during day.
Because of him, I am accepting me for me.
Me and my Joes.
None of them perfect.
None of the relationships ideal.
Or perfect.
Or storybook.
Or romantic.
But, they all bring me closer to self-realization.
And isn't that the point of human interaction, afterall?
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
My Dirty Little Secret.....
The DIRTY FILTHY PERVERTED secret of the week?
I am happy!
And functioning!
And productive!
One of my favorite people just sent me a mail:
You've not been writing- is it because your happy now with job and life? Writing about happiness is not taboo, although definitely not as fun I will concede...
This is actually profound to me.
I love to write about my dysfunctions
My erotic self
My dysfunctional habits
My crazy sexual perclivities
Kinky Catholic Lawyer has COMPARTMENTALIZED her life
Herself
Into two
The GOOD and the BAD
The VIRGIN and the WHORE
The INTELLIGENT and the STUPID
In my path to self-discovery.
I MUST MERGE
Albeit, this may mean some less-interesting writing
But, on the other hand,
The profound may result.
Let the merging commence!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Self-Depracation
A good friend of mine said the other day, "You do not portray all of the great things about yourself in your writing. You are an intelligent, caring, beautiful woman, but you deemphasize that when you write."
And this got me to thinking. Why do I engage in self-depracation? Why don't I express the beauty in my daily life?
Life is a journey, and I am on a constant path of self-discovery and self-improvement. On this path, I have discovered, through the aid of aforemetioned friend, that I focus too much on negative aspects of my personality and not enough of the positive. Maybe it is indicitive of how I see myself? Maybe it is a shield, or a wall, to depersonalize, so no body every gets too close? Maybe it is the way I seek attention? Maybe I think my more self-effacing activities make for more colorful reading.
Regardless of why, I have decided to make a conscious effort to be less self-depracating....both in my life and in my writing.
On that note, it was a big day for me! I was offered by first REAL job as an attorney at a mid-sized firm in the city. Not only is it a great position, but I will be using my legal skills to do something I feel truely passionate about - advocate for children with special needs. This takes on very special interest in my life since my youngest child is autistic.
I feel a new, brighter, more-fulfilling and beautiful chapter in my life beginning.
And this got me to thinking. Why do I engage in self-depracation? Why don't I express the beauty in my daily life?
Life is a journey, and I am on a constant path of self-discovery and self-improvement. On this path, I have discovered, through the aid of aforemetioned friend, that I focus too much on negative aspects of my personality and not enough of the positive. Maybe it is indicitive of how I see myself? Maybe it is a shield, or a wall, to depersonalize, so no body every gets too close? Maybe it is the way I seek attention? Maybe I think my more self-effacing activities make for more colorful reading.
Regardless of why, I have decided to make a conscious effort to be less self-depracating....both in my life and in my writing.
On that note, it was a big day for me! I was offered by first REAL job as an attorney at a mid-sized firm in the city. Not only is it a great position, but I will be using my legal skills to do something I feel truely passionate about - advocate for children with special needs. This takes on very special interest in my life since my youngest child is autistic.
I feel a new, brighter, more-fulfilling and beautiful chapter in my life beginning.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
ALL THESE THINGS THAT I'VE DONE
Last week, while drive home from work, I has a transcending experience.
Right there, in gridlock on I-95
An epiphany of sorts.
And it came to me from
The Killers.
No, I'm not using any deep euphomism
The rock group
The Killers
And the transcending experience:
"ALL THESE THINGS THAT I'VE DONE"
When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
One more son
If you can hold on
If you can hold on, hold on
I wanna stand up,
I wanna let go
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
I wanna mean it from the back of my broken hand
And these words I wanted to SCREAM to the world.
SCREAM to everyone who's ever hurt me in life
SCREAM to everyone who's ever helped me in life
SCREAM to everyone who's ever loved me
SCREAM to everyone who's ever hated me
SCREAM to everyone who's ever fucked me
"I WANNA STAND UP!"
Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no
Perfection
Perfection
Perfection
The perfect score?
The perfect mom?
The perfect fuck?
The perfect body?
The perfect mind?
The perfect drug?
The perfect husband?
The perfect life?
Help me out
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner
You know you got to help me out
Every Day
Every Minute
Every Second
I'm SCREAMING
PLEADING
BEGGING:
HELP ME OUT
But too silent for the world to hear
And too stubborn to raise my voice
And too independent to NEED YOUR HELP!
And when there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
These changes ain't changing me
The gold-hearted boy I used to be
My changes
My transformations
My improvements
My digressions
Do they define me
From Virgin Mary to dirty slut
From housewife to lawyer
From clean and sober to high and happy
From me to ME to me to ME
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner
You know you got to help me out
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
HELP ME OUT
BUT GO AWAY
I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP
AFTERALL
Over and in, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done
All these things that I've done
If you can hold on
If you can hold on
All these things that I've done...
Raised a child with special needs...patiently and lovingly
All these things that I've done...
The three-somes, four-somes, eating out a model last week while a room-full of horny men leared
All these things that I've done...
Sucessfully completing law school as a single mom
And I can hold on..
So I'm holding on!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
